Love

Love

Monday, December 17, 2012

When will it stop?





It has been a very long time since I logged in and blogged.
I feel like the events in Connecticut this past Friday, have made me think a lot about life and I wanted to put what I am feeling “on paper”.
So much is going through my mind so much is hurting my heart. I realize that this is not the first time someone went into a school and started shooting.  I don’t know if this is affecting me more than the others because the children that were killed are so close in age to my own daughter, or because I’m older than I was when the others took place. Either way, it affected me.
To look at the faces of those innocent babies, kills me inside. To read stories about them makes me think of my own daughter. How would I deal with such tragedy?  How would I ever be able to breathe knowing that something like that happened to my baby. I can’t even begin to think about how scared those children and teachers were. And I can’t imagine what their last thoughts were.  I can’t imagine being a parent of a child at that school, or a parent of a one of the teacher’s that waited outside for someone that never came.
As much as I don’t want to watch the news about this anymore, I can’t seem to turn it off. This is how I am. I become glued to the news, I want answers, I want information. I did the same thing on September 11, 2001. And every year since, I watch shows about that day and can’t fathom it. I remember watching the news that day in 2001, and wondering how this could happen. I remember leaving St. Rose that morning and not turning the TV off for days. How can there be so much tragedy in the world? Why are all of these people that are innocent dying? It’s just not fair.
I will not let my daughter watch the news about the Connecticut shooting. Not because I want her to be sheltered from everything bad, but because I want to maintain her innocence. I don’t want her to worry about things the way I do. I want her to be excited to go to school everyday, even though I’m terrified (and have been long before last Friday).  I want her to continue to be a happy child, who only gets scared when I hide in the dark bedroom and jump out at her yelling “boo”. And as much as I get frustrated, or annoyed, I can’t imagine not having her here. I can’t imagine my life without being her Mom.
No child should be afraid to leave their home, especially to go to school.  I can say with 100% certainty that I feel like my daughter’s school is a safe place for her. I know the teachers would do the same thing that those amazing teachers did to protect their classes.
All I can do is pray that she will always be safe, and pray for those angels that are no longer here with their parents.

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 23:4- Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall  fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me

I truly believe that God has a plan for everyone. We may not understand what that plan is, and sometimes we not even think that plan is fair. But it is His plan, and we have to accept whatever He plans for us. I will continue to believe that God will not give me what I cannot handle. Please pray for an end to this violence. Please remember the victims and not the murderer. Please pray for their families. I can only hope that someday, we will not have to see stories like this on the news anymore.

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